


If these walls could talk

by 2stressed2care



Category: Glee
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Homophobia, unsupportive parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:53:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24308521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2stressed2care/pseuds/2stressed2care
Summary: The glee club are forced to stay inside during quarantine with unsupportive families and other issues. This is the story of their struggles as they try to cope with the unfortunate circumstances.
Relationships: Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Kudos: 35





	If these walls could talk

**Author's Note:**

> This isn’t exactly canon compliant especially their families since most of them are actually really supportive in the show. I envision the glee club being in season three when the quarantine occurred. This isn’t a happy story, I started writing it when I was really struggling. I know this has been a really hard time for everyone and I hope everyone’s staying safe. Let me know what you think.

Santana Lopez POV

This cannot be happening, this is not happening, I will not let this happen. What has made me so frustrated you ask? Well quite frankly it’s none of your business but since I need to vent I’ll tell you. When the lockdown was announced my mum invited my abuela to stay with us, so she wouldn’t be isolated. I think a bit of isolation is what she deserves since she completely cut me off after I came out as lesbian to her. Even though she completely destroyed me emotionally and broke my heart by disowning me, I am no longer mad at her. Of course I’m still hurting but I was making progress, that was until we were forced to live under the same roof.

I tried to beg my mum, make her see just how unfair she was being, but she was adamant. I don’t understand how people can shout and argue with their parents, once my mum ends the conversation it’s over unless I want to get my but whooped. Everyone thinks of me as a badass and I am, but my mum and abuela are the original badass women so obviously I’m terrified of them.

When my abuela first got here it was extremely awkward. You’d think that since we were letting her stay in our home that she would be greatfull and finally except me, but no. From the moment she walked in the door it was warmth towards my parents and icy silence towards me. 

I’ve tried to stay in my room as much as possible, keep out of everyone’s way. The truth is that although my parents accepted me when I came out, they have never really cared about anything I do. I think the reason I’m such a bitch to everyone is that I’ve never really had a warm and loving relationship in my life, besides from my previous complicated but mostly loving abuela. So I never really had any good role models to base my behaviour on growing up. 

That was until I met Brittany S. Pierce. Brittany is my world, my sunshine, my everything. Once Brittany came into my life everything became less bitter, I could see the sweetness in life. She taught me to be less cold to others, it’s tough and can still be a little mean to others sometimes but I try my best. I am in love with her. She’s the reason I came out as lesbian, the reason my abuela and I don’t talk anymore. It’s worth it though, my sweet lady kisses with Brittany make everything in the world feel okay, even when it’s not. That’s the worst thing about this lockdown, I can’t see Brittany. Sure we talk online and video chat but it’s just not the same. I am desperate for some human contact, to feel alive again but everyone in my house avoids me like the plague.

The scrutinising looks of disgust from my abuela at meal times is enough to make me avoid family meals. I started off just grabbing some snacks for dinner to see if anyone would notice. But no one cared, no one came to get me, no one said a word. I started to leave my bedroom less and less to the point where I only leave for food and to use the bathroom. I really don’t eat a lot, just an apple and a slice of bread each day. My lack of appetite stems way back to when my abuela would call me tubby and tell me I needed to loose weight. So I did, now I’m unhealthily skinny but no one apart from Brittany has ever noticed. I am literally starving myself and only one person in the whole world cares. 

I know I’m not perfect, my dad reminds me everyday. He reminds me of how he’s an amazing doctor and all I’ll ever be is a pole dancer. It stings because I am intelligent but no one ever sees that past the false exterior I unintentionally set. 

I left my room for my daily apple when my abuela and I collided in the stairs. She spoke to me for the first time since she kicked me out of her life. She told me that she was praying for me, that God will make me better, remove the gay from me. I don’t know whether to take this as progress that she’s talking to me or see it for the insult that it truly is meant to be. Now I only leave my room early morning or late at night when I know I won’t run into anyone at all.

Brittany said the reason I insult people is because I’m insecure about myself and want others to feel how I feel. I can see why she thinks that. I make fun of Rachel because she gets everything she wants and has the most supportive dads ever. Whereas I on the other hand am given nothing, not even support from family. Same goes for Kurt, I insult him but really it’s because Burt Hummel would do anything for his son and it angers me. I want what they have. But I’ll never get it. Sometimes I feel bad for insulting them but then I remember that every insult I say is true. Maybe I don’t hold back but I don’t lie either. 

Contrary to popular belief I actually like Glee club, sure the people are kind of annoying but being in a room full of other rejects makes me feel like maybe one day I could belong in the world. I also really like singing because I know I’m good at it, no one ever insults me about it, so I must be. But what if I’m not and they are just scared to tell me? What if I suck? Whatever glee club is more enjoyable than the Cheerios because coach sylvester is ruthless. I can take every insult she throws at me but when she tries to insult Brittany that’s when I get angry. 

I just lie on my bed all day thinking of leaving this hell hole. I just want to disappear, starve myself to the point of no return. The only person who would care is Brittany and maybe Quinn. But I know I can’t. I will never hurt Brittany. Not now. Not ever. So I just lie waiting for her to call and text to pretend everything is okay. I need Brittany.

Brittany told me there’s an online glee practice tonight but I don’t think I’m going to attend. The glee club don’t like me so they aren’t exactly going to miss me, my voice maybe but not me. I just can’t see them right now, sitting in their beautiful bedrooms with their parents coming to check in on them and bring them snacks. I can’t control my jealousy. Plus today I’m feeling worse than ever, if someone tries to talk to me, I think I’ll break. Spill all my troubles and I just don’t trust them enough to let them in. The only person I trust with this is Brittany but I cannot burden her with my problems. I won’t be a burden to her. Not now. Not ever.


End file.
